Long gone are the nights of whispered conversations held over landlines and rotary phones, of balcony window sneak-outs and late-night rendezvous. In the last 20 years, teenagers in relationships have not gotten less boring, witty, or crafty; they simply have been presented with a more connective gift—social media.
From TikTok, to Snapchat, to Instagram, social media apps have provided teenagers committed to a romantic relationship with the tools and resources to further maintain and grow their connection no matter the distance. Perhaps the most commonly used feature are direct messaging systems. In addition to phone calls and text messages, couples can see face-to-face via Snaps or develop their shared humor over a forwarded TikTok or Instagram Reel. Many teens even consider it endearing to be sent a post with the context of, “I saw this, and it made me think of you.”
For junior Daniel Berrios, the ability to communicate via social media is a valuable asset for him and junior Molly Schutzman, his girlfriend of almost 11 months. “It’s allowed us to stay connected when one of us goes away. I think it really has been beneficial for our relationship, and I don’t think our relationship would be the same without it,” Berrios shared.
Other teens also find joy and inspiration from consuming couple content and sharing their own. Many creators and influencers often post date idea videos, complete with location, time frames, and pricing. Then, teen couples share their own versions of these dates, giving their peers and followers little glimpses into their relationship. For sophomore Mikayla Torres, social media has provided lots of resources for her and her boyfriend of 10 months, junior Eric Matern. “I have gotten date ideas and [ideas] of places to go. I can send him TikToks of things that we can do together,” Torres commented.
Teens’ social media feeds can serve as a chronicled time capsule of their relationships, documenting the times spent with their partners. “Social media has benefited us by letting us stay connected when we are not together, given us inspiration for fun things to do together, and allowed us to publicly showcase our relationship by posting photos together,” explained junior Julia Palay, who has been with senior Adam Berkowitz for over a year.
While many teenagers find that social media positively impacts their relationship, other couples may argue that social media can breed controlling, manipulative, or jealous behavior. Location tracking features are often the culprit of these sentiments. Whether on Snap Map or with a cellphone’s typical location-sharing technology, teenagers can spot exactly where their partners are and when. If there is a lack of trust in a relationship, a boyfriend may excessively track his girlfriend’s location, for example, ensuring she is “where she is supposed to be.” Snap Map specifically may cause additional problems, as the map also shows if other users are near one’s significant other. Social media’s location tracking can eliminate privacy in a relationship, so something as simple as a secret trip to the grocery store for surprise flowers can spark questions and anxiety.
On a public level, couple content can lend itself to jealousy or comparison. Influencers and creators tend to push their own agendas on what other people’s relationships need to look like. “If your boyfriend doesn’t do these five things, you need to break up with him!” or “Ask your girlfriend these three questions to see if the spark is still there!” are increasingly common video hooks on TikTok and Instagram Reels, and generally cater to adult relationships rather than those of teenagers. Young and naïve couples may gain a false perspective and understanding of what is expected in a relationship and compare their relationship to others. The “Liked by” or “Following” lists on Instagram may also cause feelings of jealousy. Teens may be upset at the sight of their partner following a supermodel, or liking a peer’s bathing suit or gym pictures.
Luckily, many teen couples are aware of these potential issues and actively work as a team to combat or avoid them altogether. Both Berrios and Palay have not experienced any social media-related roadblocks in their respective relationships, and plan to keep them that way. “I think it’s really important to avoid comparing your relationship to other people’s relationships. Everything on social media is often exaggerated. You shouldn’t let other people’s standards and expectations of a relationship sway yours,” Berrios advised. For Palay, trust and understanding is key. “We respect each other’s boundaries and [my boyfriend] barely even goes on social media unless it’s to watch Reels, post football pictures, or post pictures of us,” Palay shared.
Ultimately, many teenage couples agree that the best way to use social media is in moderation. “In the end, social media should be a tool used to strengthen your relationship, not harm it,” Berrios highlighted.
